RIP Chester πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ


I’m a big fan of Linkin Park since I was in high school. I fell in love when I heard “In The End” on the radio. High school was a hard time for me. My parent was on financial problem and they fought everyday. I felt alone and angry. I hated my parents because they fought all the time, it was a soul torturing. I thought they didn’t care about me, they only care about my sister and would do anything for her but not for me.

Linkin Park’s songs felt like speak for me. Chester’s voice is so deep and painful, I felt that he sang for me. 

It has been 17 years since their first album, and I still become their loyal fan. Their music has changed to a different direction but one thing that hasn’t changed. Their lyrics are so deep, they are speaking the pain, the truth of our hearts. That’s why I love them.

On Friday morning China time (July 21, 2017), my husband told me that there’s a bad news, the lead vocalist of Linkin Park has died. I thought he was joking but I didn’t see him laughing. He showed me an article from CNN that stated Chester committed suicide. I felt heartbroken, I sobbed. It’s just so unbelievable. 

Today is Monday. I have been crying on and off since Friday. I couldn’t listen to Linkin Park songs anymore since then, it’s too painful to hear Chester’s voice. This morning I accidentally play “NoboyCan Save Me” from one More Light album. I broke down in tears, it sounds like suicide note… it’s so sad… 

I cried a lot this morning, I’m still feeling very sad. Guess what? My lower back started to feel hurt and I feel light cramps. Adenomyosis would like to join the party… I know stress and sadness feeding Adenomyosis but for now I really can’t control my feelings πŸ˜”πŸ˜”πŸ˜”

Goodbye Chester, you will always be my hero. You always singing for me these last 17 years.. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain all of these times… I hope you found your peace now.. I will keep you in my prayers…

Dear God, please take care of Him πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­

Another Less Painful Day – Thank You Uterus!

Period Day 4

Yesterday was a pretty easy day. The pain was quite light but I ended up took total 3 ibuprofen, one of them to help me to sleep. Yes, I don’t want to feel any pain at all. I’m tired of toughen up and bear the pain. 

I went to Walmart in the evening around 6pm, I felt no pain at all. The last time I took ibuprofen was around 2 pm. No pain after 4 hours of taken ibuprofen is good for day 4 standard. I’m grateful for that πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

Pain checker 

Light bleeding, lower back pain and cramps (1-2/10)

Total ibuprofen taken: 3

A Less Painful Day is a Beautiful Day

Period Day 3

It was much more less painful than day 2. I had cramps and lower back pain in the morning with pain level of 3-4/10. And the rest of the day I only had lower back pain with pain level of 1/10, thanks to ibuprofen , papaya, and raspberry leaf tea! The bleeding was still heavy, but less heavy compared to yesterday.

I had a good night sleep. Actually I had a long sleep, I slept almost for 9 hours πŸ˜† It was a payback for 2 days of lack of sleep.


Overall it was a less painful day and a good day for recovery, for that… I’m very grateful! πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

Pain checker 

Heavy bleeding, cramps, lower back and (1-4/10)

Total ibuprofen taken: 2

Another Sleepless Night

Period Day 2 


The heavy bleeding period has started. I tried to manage the bleeding by taking coriander seeds decoction + blackstrap molasses and also ibuprofen before my bed time. It seemed it controlled the bleeding but the pain were too much (6-7/10) so I was unable to sleep all night. I fell asleep at 5:27am and woke up at 8:28am because I felt the pain again. Totally I fell asleep for 3 hours. God, I need to take a nap, I feel so exhausted 😩 

Pain checker 

Heavy bleeding, cramps, lower back pain (1-6/10)

Total ibuprofen taken: 5

A Painful Trip

Period Day 1

My cat had an appointment with his vet today to get a shot. My husband told me that I don’t have to come because my period just started. I know that my cat usually freaks out when I’m not around, I don’t want him to be traumatized so I told my husband I will go with him because the pain is light (2-3/10).

Before we left I took 1 liquid gel ibuprofen, coriander seeds decoction + blackstrap molasses. We took taxi otw there. At the vet everything went smooth, my pain was manageable and my cat didn’t freak out. 

After finished with the vet we decided to take bus otw home. My cat enjoys bus trip and so do we. We had to walk for about 10 minutes from the vet to a bus stop. This is when the disaster started.

I was feeling fine on 2/3 trip to the bus stop. But then I started to see yellow lights on my vision, my body felt lighter, and my cramps elevated. I told my husband I need to stop, so we stopped and I squat on the side of a road. I rested for about 2-3 minutes until the yellow lights gone and then continued the to walk. I had to take squat breaks for 3 times.

Me, squatting on the side of the road
We had to wait for 10-15 minutes before our bus came. It was very hot today, I sweated so bad. The cramps and back pain escalated to about 4/10. When the bus came we took a seat at the back area. The trip took for about 30 minutes. My pain was getting worse, escalated to 6-7. I started to make my ugly full of pain face. People started staring at me, I didn’t care anymore.  I couldn’t squat, I found that squatting helps to relieve the pain. Couldn’t lay neither. I felt like I want to cry. 

I had a biscuit in my purse, I ate it and then swallowed 1 ibuprofen. I hoped that when I got off the bus I will feel better because I need to walk for about 10 minutes.

 My estimation was off. When we got off the bus I was on the peak of my pain. I squat again, I was waiting for the pain to decrease when it rained. My husband hold my hand, he told me that we need to start to walk before the rain getting heavier. So I pushed my self to walk while I feel so much pain. I stopped 3 times when the pain was unbearable. People stared at me but I didn’t care. 10 minutes walk felt like a year in hell. 

I made it home, a little bit wet. I laid on the couch, my husband played a comedy tv show for me, he knew that it helps to distract my pain. I curled in a ball, covered by my fave blanket. Received the pain, surrendered… waiting until it passed while watching “Rick and Monty”. I fell asleep. I woke up an hour later, exhausted. My body feel sore. 


My husband asked me to order Indian food from our fave restaurant. He said I deserve a comfort food, it has been a hard day. God, I love him 😍 

Pain Checker

Light bleeding, cramps, lower back pain (1-7/10)

Total ibuprofen taken: 4

An Early Bird in Pain

It’s 5:02 in the morning. I have been feeling light cramps and lower back pain (1-2/10) since 1am. I was twisting and turning while sleeping, it felt like I didn’t really sleep. I just check my fitness tracker, apparently I was right. I only sleep for 2 hours 😡


I have been waking up since 4am because of the pain. I took 1 liquid ibuprofen at 4:15am. I am feeling better compared to an hour ago. Now I just need to try to go back to sleep!

Pre-Menstrual Pain

Today is day -3 of my next expected period. 

I felt light cramps and back pain since yesterday (1-2/10). I had a really hard day yesterday, it was a very emotional day. I cried all day. The cramps and back pain started after I heard a terrible news (sorry I can’t share about it…). It’s amazing how stress can affect my body that fast.

This morning I feel better emotionally but the pain still there. I took 1 pill of ibuprofen before I went to the vet to get my cat checked but it seemed doesn’t work. I had to toughen up all day. I felt the pain until in the afternoon. Why ibuprofen? Why don’t you work today?! πŸ˜– I think I should took the liquid form ibuprofen instead, somehow I think it works better than the pills.

The pain lessen after I drank a cup of raspberry leaf tea. Raspberry leaf tea help to strengthen uterus and ease menstrual discomfort. I like Yogi brand. I also drink some other variations of their teas. 

Yogi – Raspberry Leaf


I also drink Yogi’s Women’s Moon Cycle to relief menstrual pain/discomfort.

Yogi – Women’s Moon Cycle


I’m running out my Ayurvedic medicine for this month and I have been sloppy with my diet (again!) these last 2 weeks, I’m a bit nervous about the pain level for the next period. It sucks that I have think about the next painful period every time πŸ˜–

I need to pray for less pain πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ