October: PD3

It has been a rough three days. The pain is worse than last month’s. I cried 3 hours straight yesterday, I had a terrible lower back pain and cramps, even the usual foot massage didn’t work, nor ibuprofen and medicine from my doctor. I didn’t know what was going on. I was bleeding so much, I tried to control it by drinking coriander decoction. It took effect hours later, meanwhile I had to struggle with the pain because of the severe bleeding.
I have been sleeping on the couch since Saturday night,  accompanied  by my cat and my new bread pillow. My husband bought it for me a couple days ago for no reason, lol.

I feel weak, I have no energy at all, not even to go downstairs to pick-up my packages. Oh my God, have mercy… let me feel better today 😭


September PD1

Yesterday I got my period after 18 days late. The pain was terrible, it felt like someone trying to rip my uterus out of my body. I haven’t feel this kind of pain for quite awhile. Yes, I cried. I suspected jogging as the culprit.

I tried to make rice noodle for lunch, the pain was escalating so fast. I felt heavy cramps and I felt that I was going to passed out, I had cold sweats. It was terrible πŸ˜–

My husband came home from work around 5pm, I was curling on the couch. He said, “You look terrible, are you in pain?”. Yes, I was in so much pain!

I couldn’t sleep well last night. I took 1 x 200mg liquid ibuprofen around 11:30pm. But it didn’t touch the pain at all. I cried again, frustrated. The pain stayed until around 3am, I couldn’t sleep. I was watching a comedy tv show, but couldn’t distract my brain from my pain. And then I remember about massaging certain spot on my leg that might help with the pain. 

I massaged that spot on my left leg, omg it was so painful! I kept doing it for about 15 minutes, I noticed that the pain had lessen. I felt relieved 😌 I massaged my right leg too, it wasn’t as painful as my left side. I was doing it until I fell asleep. Why didn’t I do it earlier? πŸ˜… I really have problem to remember things that useful for my condition 😬

This is my left leg this morning, do you see the bruise? Yes, it’s worthy! πŸ˜†

Wednesday Afternoon Walk

3.4 km walking exercise today 😍

 I actually walked more than that distance, but I stopped the tracking because I went to a mall at the last point on that map, lol. Up until now, my pace tracker counts 6 km walk 😁 Good job! 

The pictures below are some places that I passed today.

September UpdatesΒ 

Wow, it has been almost 2 months since the last time I wrote here! 

A little updates:

  • My mom had a mini stroke last month, I went home to Indonesia to check on her. She’s recovering very well, thank you God, her doctors, my cousins and my neighbors.
  • My cycle went crazy 😜 It went from 22 days on July 9 to 15 days on July 24. And then 21 days on August 14. Today is day 30 of my cycle but I still haven’t get my period. I have checked with my doctor, she said it’s okay.  FYI my cycle is getting shorter since I have diagnosed with Adenomyosis. It used to be 28 days on my 20’s.
  • Last month’s period was pretty easy. I was traveling from China to Indonesia when it happened, and the pain was pretty manageable with ibuprofen. The pain level was about 1-5, pretty good isn’t?
  • My new Ayurvedic medicine has arrived
  • I asked a favor of a friend who went home to the United States to buy me a couple bottles of liquid ibuprofen (yay!). Liquid ibuprofen (Advil brand) is difficult to get in China, so I felt like just won a lottery! πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†
  • I have been so lazy this summer, I haven’t exercise at all for almost 2 months 😬 I will restart my walking exercise today.
  • I dropped a class for this semester because I missed the class starting date. I’m a week late πŸ˜… 

That’s all for now, will be back soon with my first walking exercise update!

RIP Chester πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

I’m a big fan of Linkin Park since I was in high school. I fell in love when I heard “In The End” on the radio. High school was a hard time for me. My parent was on financial problem and they fought everyday. I felt alone and angry. I hated my parents because they fought all the time, it was a soul torturing. I thought they didn’t care about me, they only care about my sister and would do anything for her but not for me.

Linkin Park’s songs felt like speak for me. Chester’s voice is so deep and painful, I felt that he sang for me. 

It has been 17 years since their first album, and I still become their loyal fan. Their music has changed to a different direction but one thing that hasn’t changed. Their lyrics are so deep, they are speaking the pain, the truth of our hearts. That’s why I love them.

On Friday morning China time (July 21, 2017), my husband told me that there’s a bad news, the lead vocalist of Linkin Park has died. I thought he was joking but I didn’t see him laughing. He showed me an article from CNN that stated Chester committed suicide. I felt heartbroken, I sobbed. It’s just so unbelievable. 

Today is Monday. I have been crying on and off since Friday. I couldn’t listen to Linkin Park songs anymore since then, it’s too painful to hear Chester’s voice. This morning I accidentally play “NoboyCan Save Me” from one More Light album. I broke down in tears, it sounds like suicide note… it’s so sad… 

I cried a lot this morning, I’m still feeling very sad. Guess what? My lower back started to feel hurt and I feel light cramps. Adenomyosis would like to join the party… I know stress and sadness feeding Adenomyosis but for now I really can’t control my feelings πŸ˜”πŸ˜”πŸ˜”

Goodbye Chester, you will always be my hero. You always singing for me these last 17 years.. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain all of these times… I hope you found your peace now.. I will keep you in my prayers…

Dear God, please take care of Him πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­

I received a text from my mom this morning that says:

“Why don’t you do salah (Muslim’s 5 times a day prayer), it might healed your condition (Adenomyosis).”

She told me to pray because she assumed I don’t, she assumed that my condition is related to me not praying.

I am a 33 years old adult. I don’t live with her. When I still live with her I have never told her to do salah although I knew she seldom do it. It’s her business with God. I’m expecting the same respect, but what I got is a judgement. It hurts when you received that from your own family members.

She might never meant to hurt me, but it’s so insensitive of her said something like that. She doesn’t even know what are my efforts medically and spiritually. She doesn’t even know whether I pray or not. In my opinion people shouldn’t know about it because it’s your private business with God. 

I feel so disappointed and hurts.

I knew that I can’t say something nice to reply her text, so I didn’t reply her. 

Another Less Painful Day – Thank You Uterus!

Period Day 4

Yesterday was a pretty easy day. The pain was quite light but I ended up took total 3 ibuprofen, one of them to help me to sleep. Yes, I don’t want to feel any pain at all. I’m tired of toughen up and bear the pain. 

I went to Walmart in the evening around 6pm, I felt no pain at all. The last time I took ibuprofen was around 2 pm. No pain after 4 hours of taken ibuprofen is good for day 4 standard. I’m grateful for that πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

Pain checker 

Light bleeding, lower back pain and cramps (1-2/10)

Total ibuprofen taken: 3