RIP Chester πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ


I’m a big fan of Linkin Park since I was in high school. I fell in love when I heard “In The End” on the radio. High school was a hard time for me. My parent was on financial problem and they fought everyday. I felt alone and angry. I hated my parents because they fought all the time, it was a soul torturing. I thought they didn’t care about me, they only care about my sister and would do anything for her but not for me.

Linkin Park’s songs felt like speak for me. Chester’s voice is so deep and painful, I felt that he sang for me. 

It has been 17 years since their first album, and I still become their loyal fan. Their music has changed to a different direction but one thing that hasn’t changed. Their lyrics are so deep, they are speaking the pain, the truth of our hearts. That’s why I love them.

On Friday morning China time (July 21, 2017), my husband told me that there’s a bad news, the lead vocalist of Linkin Park has died. I thought he was joking but I didn’t see him laughing. He showed me an article from CNN that stated Chester committed suicide. I felt heartbroken, I sobbed. It’s just so unbelievable. 

Today is Monday. I have been crying on and off since Friday. I couldn’t listen to Linkin Park songs anymore since then, it’s too painful to hear Chester’s voice. This morning I accidentally play “NoboyCan Save Me” from one More Light album. I broke down in tears, it sounds like suicide note… it’s so sad… 

I cried a lot this morning, I’m still feeling very sad. Guess what? My lower back started to feel hurt and I feel light cramps. Adenomyosis would like to join the party… I know stress and sadness feeding Adenomyosis but for now I really can’t control my feelings πŸ˜”πŸ˜”πŸ˜”

Goodbye Chester, you will always be my hero. You always singing for me these last 17 years.. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain all of these times… I hope you found your peace now.. I will keep you in my prayers…

Dear God, please take care of Him πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­

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I received a text from my mom this morning that says:

“Why don’t you do salah (Muslim’s 5 times a day prayer), it might healed your condition (Adenomyosis).”

She told me to pray because she assumed I don’t, she assumed that my condition is related to me not praying.

I am a 33 years old adult. I don’t live with her. When I still live with her I have never told her to do salah although I knew she seldom do it. It’s her business with God. I’m expecting the same respect, but what I got is a judgement. It hurts when you received that from your own family members.

She might never meant to hurt me, but it’s so insensitive of her said something like that. She doesn’t even know what are my efforts medically and spiritually. She doesn’t even know whether I pray or not. In my opinion people shouldn’t know about it because it’s your private business with God. 

I feel so disappointed and hurts.

I knew that I can’t say something nice to reply her text, so I didn’t reply her. 

Another Less Painful Day – Thank You Uterus!

Period Day 4

Yesterday was a pretty easy day. The pain was quite light but I ended up took total 3 ibuprofen, one of them to help me to sleep. Yes, I don’t want to feel any pain at all. I’m tired of toughen up and bear the pain. 

I went to Walmart in the evening around 6pm, I felt no pain at all. The last time I took ibuprofen was around 2 pm. No pain after 4 hours of taken ibuprofen is good for day 4 standard. I’m grateful for that πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

Pain checker 

Light bleeding, lower back pain and cramps (1-2/10)

Total ibuprofen taken: 3